We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
