please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
