Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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