That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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