Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think your dad took our porno
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
