Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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