Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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