when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
