soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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