i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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