I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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