Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
