I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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