Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
