Acid is not a monday night drug
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
