So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
