just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
