so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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