Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
