he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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