What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
