Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
