You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
