non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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