I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
