Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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