We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
