Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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