He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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