1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
