Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
