i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
