I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
