I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
