ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
