there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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