anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
