are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
