last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
