When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
