i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
