dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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