Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
