Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
