There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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