Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
