Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
