I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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