how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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