my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
