I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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