Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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