Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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